The Cynic’s Guide to Sexy Male Heroes

10 Steps to Creating a Male Hero that Every Girl Swoons Over

1. Give him a tragic past of epic proportions. Someone close to him must be dead (usually mother), and most likely he was verbally and physically abused. Even though he’s been struggling with his demons for years, he will be cured immediately when he sleeps with his Soul Mate at least once… but you should apply daily for maximum effect.


2. His eyes must be a brilliant or abnormal color, and – for some inexplicable reason – they glow or change color when he experiences strong emotions.  

3. Make him tall, dark, and handsome, but explain at length how unconventionally handsome he is. (Bonus points if you use the word ‘craggy’.) Note that ‘unconventionally handsome’ doesn’t apply to race – he’ll still always be white.

4. Have him take his shirt off at every opportunity.  

5. Give him a position of authority – any type of military or law enforcement position (Bonus points for Marines, Navy SEALS, and free agents), law, a CEO or business owner, etc.  

6. He must be excessively dominating. You will want to refer to him as an ‘Alpha Male’ somewhere in the story as a pass for his bad behavior. The female protagonist claims to hate his attitude but still ends up sleeping with him multiple times anyway. Bonus points for stalking tendencies.  

7. His woman is threatened or attacked, and only HE can save her. When he does, she is overcome with gratitude and jumps him. Bonus points if she does so while both are sweaty and/or covered in blood.  

8. Give him an exotic background and/or an accent. Bonus points for French, Latino, or English.

9. ‘Smile’ isn’t a word in his vocabulary… neither is the word ‘laugh’.

10. He spends most of his time broodily staring off into the distance, but his muscles are still carved out of diamond. Killer bods need maintenance, you say? RUBBISH.

…Are you swooning yet?

(sexy male model courtesy of Sandra Kimball and Wikimedia Commons) 

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